Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
