i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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