Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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