I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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