Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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