he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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