i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
