i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
