oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
