i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
