Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
