hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
