i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
