I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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