Please, let me fuck your mom
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Randomize
