did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
