part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
