I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
