It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
