I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize