I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
