I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The air taste purple.
Randomize
