we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
