Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You are the jesus of drinking
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
