Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
