Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
