the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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