I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
