I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
