Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
