Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
