I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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