I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
