Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
