If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
