Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
