Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
