I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish I only lived at night.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
