Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
