I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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