guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
