:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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