I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
