I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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