Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bring me that man meat
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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