I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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