Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
