So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
