Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
