i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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