Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
