put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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