Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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