Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
