He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Four minutes until I can fart!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
