If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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